Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Recognition is funny

I'm not going to link to the post, because I generally don't link to blogs which seem to be written for an audience of close friends unless I know said person well and they have said they don't mind being linked to, but I was looking through one of my friend's friends posts on livejournal trying to see if I could figure out who any of the other folks were (since we have many mutual friends) and came across a couple of posts which mentioned a party we recently had. It is always interesting to get folks impressions of you, particularly when they have no idea that you may ever read/hear what they have said.

We have color parties, as did some of our friends when we lived in Charleston. Now, as then, we go a little crazy with decking out the house in whatever color (we have done orange, blue, pink, and most recently brown) and are pretty militant about anyone coming to the party wearing at least some amount of whatever color. The nice and somewhat overwhelming thing about New York is that if you do something fun, it takes no time whatsoever for word to spread and for it to reach capacity. There are at least ten of us here in NYC who used to frequent the Charleston color parties, and each person invites a few, and BAM! you have some serious party momentum.

It is fun seeing how each color affects the mood of people at the party and the feel of the room. Orange was kind of boisterous and really happy; blue was strangely lascivious, with everyone just feeling kind of skeezy and with the mood just feeling like we were in the creepy, but not scary part of some fairytale; pink was like walking into a giant vagina, a bit heavier feeling than one might expect but upbeat and fun and people acting silly; brown was fun and kind of felt like being in a forest, but strangely the word that I heard more than a few people use to describe the feel of the room and the decorations was 'masculine'. Yes, with three of the five roommates being gay boys, there were a lot of men there, but I don't think that is what was meant by it, and generally a room full of homosexuals, even with lots of bearded brooklyn 'mos, doesn't generally elicit the adjective 'masculine' off the bat and the room was decorated with frilly cut brown paper hanging from the ceiling. But I kind of got what they meant. Surrounding yourself in one main color changes the mood of a crowd in interesting ways.

Anyway, as folks have spread the word about the party, there is a larger chunk of folks that attended the party that I know only peripherally or not at all. It has been kind of nice weird the last couple of weeks since the party having folks that I didn't even realize made it to the party or don't even recognize at all come up and start talking to me about the party or hearing someone talking about it not realizing I was one of the hosts.

Looking through the blogs of friends of my friend trying to figure out who was who, since the north brooklyn gay boy community is pretty interconnected, I came across a couple of posts about the party. More interesting than the actual posts was the comments section of a post from the day before where my friend C- was inviting his other friend to the party. So the invitee, trying to figure out who was throwing the party asked "is this the same d- with the icky moustache?"

The answer to which is, of course, "Yes" though I will argue with that icky part. I find it funnier than I find it insulting though. C- diplomatically confirmed "yeah, the boy with the mustache."

I'm leaving out bits of the dialogue, but this is my blog so only the parts about me are going to be discussed, so we continue:

"maybe i should start being nice to the boy with the moustache, but the reason i'm not is sort of silly. we see eachother everywhere and have mutual friends but he gives me bad looks and never says hi or has even introduced himself to me!!! !!! ! ! ! !"

I'm not sure who this is. There weren't enough details to tease out exactly which friend of friends this was who came to the party and I often run into out and about, so maybe I am actually mean to him and just can't think of who it is, but I imagine it is probably unintentional. I don't tend to snub folks intentionally unless I have a reason to, but I wonder how many folks I come across as aloof to? I am more used to people trying to steer clear of me because they think I am too forward rather than too unfriendly. I go to the same damn places over and over (I like my habitual ways; that was not meant as lament) and talk to about anyone who isn't rude and doesn't run away, but maybe I can come across as a big bruesque at times. Maybe that is why I like C- so much. He is way too hyper and enthusiastic and often scares the shit out of people with his complete lack of qualms about introducing himself to new people combined with his tendency to get louder and abruptly confessional when nervous. But he is upfront and fun to hang out with and serious about his silliness and doesn't beat around the bush, which sometimes rubs other folks the wrong way. Which I guess I also do sometimes.

Still, it strikes me as ridiculous to dislike someone else for never having introduced themselves if you haven't introduced yourself to them. Why should I be the initiator? Which C- points out:

"that is silly. you are so funny, how it is the other person's responsibility to introduce themselves, get rid of that way of thinking. and just say hi. he is a really nice, southern boy - so friendly. "

which seems to make sense to this mystery peep:

"it's his responsibility because i'm shy and stupid! but okay, i'll try harder. i'm from the south too sort of, so i can pretend to know what chitlins are for the sake of mustachioed-friendship."

While I do know what chitlins are, I've never eaten them, so no need to front. Anyway, this is probably the most boring post I have ever put up, but thought the whole thing was funny and what is the point of finding folks talking about you in cyberspace if you can't talk back a little?

1 comment:

charlie said...

ha! that is funny that you found that exchange. that boy is matthew, by the way. i made a point of introducting him to you at the party, just to goad him. i just don't understand people that always percieve social slights and have no sympathy for them, but surely, that is because i have no qualms about trying to talk to strangers normally. life's too short for any coy business.