Tuesday, May 13, 2008

today is special...

I've probably gotten the date wrong, but this is the date my brain settles on when I try to remember when the world got brighter and I learned to smile again. The world is so amazing and brilliant, with all the ripples and convolutions and absurdity. I forgot that for a while; I'll never forget it again. Everything hasn't been perfect for me since then and I didn't suddenly start believing that the world was perfect or ever would be, but suddenly that was ok. I didn't need everything in its place, I just needed to know that someone out there could look at me like that, that I could feel so...much. Good/bad, all of it sparkling and glowing but rotten and smudged too. The world chose me and someone reminded me how to be fully involved in it again, for better or worse and full-steam ahead. Today I am somewhere in the middle of the ocean, probably a little seasick and miserable (this was written before my departure), but looking at all that I can and can't understand and loving it all. Cheesy and silly, yup, but sometimes I am.

I saw a smile today some blurred number of years ago and I smiled back. I've been smiling ever since.

Celebrate something today, anything and everything. Today is special.