Monday, April 24, 2006

tyra banks is a total bitch.

If you talk to me much at all these days you are probably aware that the only tv I watch consistantly these days is America's Next Top Model. C- hosts a reality tv night for all us usual suspects and we order pizza, drink a little beer and watch tyra act super important and faux motherly towards her little fashion experiments. The guys I watch with are irreverent and fun and we have a blast and it really is one of the things I look most forward too every week.

But if it weren't for the other guys and the fun that watching is with all of them, I would be done with the show. I don't have a whole lot of spare time for tv, so what it takes for me to drop a show like an ugly baby is very little. I am a fairly petulant consumer and it is little things which send me over the edge and obliterate my product loyalty and me being a creature of habit, my product loyalty is pretty serious. I'll use the same damn brand over and over and over again til I have some stupid reason to change. Perhaps my most famous boycott was the David Letterman show, which I grew up watching, loved, and often watched with my dad. But once a long time ago, Dave bumped Jaques Cousteau from the line up so the goo goo dolls could jump in a giant bowl of eggnog. Jaques Cousteau is my hero and one of the most important people of the last century. The goo goo dolls such anyway and the egg nog gag was stupid beyond belief. Then Jaques Cousteau died the next year and I didn't watch Dave for about five years. At all. Ever. Would leave the room if it came on. We have since made up and Dave is great and the whole thing was my silly bitterness which doesn't in the least hurt him or the show, but as the consumer, my only power over the situation is my choice. I was angry, annoyed, and pissed and the only thing I could do about it was tune out, so I did.

What the hell does this have to do with tyra and why am I calling her a bitch and refusing to capitalize her name? I'm not quitting the show yet, because I like the act of watching it with the guys, but I am pissed off and tyra is a self-important bitch.

So if you follow the show at all, you know that Joanie had a big ole snaggle tooth and Danielle has a serious gap in between her two front teeth. These are also the two girls that have consistantly taken the best pictures and worked the best with the direction they are given. Nenna may be pretty, but some of her pictures are totally buck. In the clowning shoot, she looks like someone put a Little Richard mask on the Grace Jones statue at Madame Tussaud's and tipped it over. Anyway, back to Joanie and Danielle. Joanie's teeth needed some work seriously and tyra et al sent the girls to the dentist to get their grills shined and told the dentist to fix up Joanie and Danielle's teeth. So nice, what a nice gesture and way even the playing field for Joanie. Danielle is a different story. Her teeth aren't crooked; she just has a gap and we all happened to like her gap. We all screamed at the tv when it looked like they were going to close her gap, but Danielle, being the total rockstar she is, told the dentist she liked the gap and considered it sort of trade mark and was happy with how she looked. We cheered, but tyra had darker things in store for us.

Long story short, Danielle was super through out the whole show (just like she has been the whole season) and the judges are idiots. Jade was kept and Brooke was sent home, an inexplicable choice but only minorly annoying next to what kind of pompous asses the judges were about Danielle's gap. It would have been one thing if ms. banks wanted to ask Danielle why she didn't get her teeth 'fixed' and tell her that the gap might cost her jobs and prevent her from being a cover girl. Maybe it would. We've all seen Lauren Hutton's big ole gap on a hundred magazine's and commercials and Madonna seems to be doing just fine, but maybe tyra was sincerely concerned for Danielle entering this cut throat business and wanted to offer motherly advice. She sure as hell didn't act like it. She was a stuck up, imperious asshole who lashed out at one of her minions for daring to question her omniscience. Since she hadn't taken tyra's advice, ty and miss jay got all catty and tried to belittle her and attack HER. Not in a caring way, just as a bitch slap to put the girl back in her place. Yeah, I know this is a competition and they are the judges and all, and as jade told us early on, this is not America's Top Best Friend, but you can't spend all the time tyra does trying to sell herself as this caring mentor and teacher/guide for these girls and then act like trash towards the nicest, most confident one who is taking the best pictures when she doesn't act all servile and simpering and grateful that you want to take away something that makes her stand out. At least on Project Runway, Heidi Klum doesn't make a big show of being this super leader, sage guide, bff and then act all bitch. She starts with the cold bitch act and let's moments of niceness shine in as the show goes on, but tyra's fake-ass sympathy and caring comes across as insanely annoying and fake and the control-freak, ego-trip bitch comes shining through.

and makes me want to change the channel.

It was easier to watch last season because we could follow it up with Martha Stewart's Apprentice. Watching ANTM, you often find yourself wanting to throw things at the tv when they say who they are kicking off. It just often doesn't make sense and you get the feeling that they are not really judging the girls on their potential as models until the very end and it is more about ratings and the misguided belief that if you keep on the person that everyone hates, we will keep watching just to see them kicked off (let's call that the Wendy Pepper Effect). It really just makes me want to change the channel, and absent the social element of watching these shows, I would have dropped ANTM a long time ago because of this frustration and wouldn't be too faithful to Project Runway, but when Martha was judging, the decisions always made sense. You could really tell that she seemed to be following closely what was going on and not just what happened in the board room. Every decision she made was exactly the one that made sense and she didn't really mince words about saying why and didn't hesitate to drop two people if they both were lame. It really felt like you were watching what she told you she was showing you and people succeeded or failed on the criteria that she set forth from the beginning. tyra changes that shit up every week and says things to bolster her inexplicable decisions. Her faux sisterly nice comes across as passive aggressive bitchiness, where Martha's not always soft bluntness came across as reassuring.

I'm not giving up on ANTM yet, but tyra can kiss my ass and stop being a bitch or this may be my last season.


Anonymous said...

That Tyra seems to be soo fake on her show and a different person on ANTM. She always talk, and help people with their beauty problems but never seems to give any money to the people who need it.Some people are living in small broken down community's and need our help. Tyra seems to always think she is an expert on beauty because she did modeling but that does not make her an expert. She did not even go to collage or university for a degree in fashion or makeup.She always talks about herself like i did that in the modekling day.. and whatever.

She is so immature on her show sometimes it makes me soo mad. She was like "I kissed LL cool K". Like WOW grow up! You diddnt' even kiss him.

I wonder if the real Tyra will ever come out. Someone that was on her show said it was scripted and fake.Very SUPRISING!

I should I watch the Fake Tyra Show anymore?? Soo disspointing.

Anonymous said...

She thinks that she is gods gift to everyone just because she did modeling, and on her show she down talks anyone who says there a model or want to be a model. She has done acting and now uses those skills to do her show and makes her show how fake she really is. She is not being herself until you see her at her moments when she is crying, screaming, or acting like she is better than other people because she did modeling.
The scene were she went to jail and had to take out her weave and take her makeup off and her fancy cloths...that was the REAL Tyra and it was gross and scary. She with make up and hair weave and expensive the only reason she made it as far as she did...
She is fake, not that attractive and a self centered bitch.

Anonymous said...

she is as ugly as her fucking mom

Anonymous said...

okay i not saying i don't like her or i like her
but seriously?
you guys are all dumbassess
like, who fucking knows
you can't judge somebody on t.v
you havn't met them in person
you don't personally know who the hell they are.
if you became famous if you so far got peoples first impressions and neevr made them change there mind they would see you as that and they don't know who the hell you are to tell or say to other hey she's bad or he's stupid or Bad person
this is america america is judgmental streotype racist not serious .
yes? did i just judge depending on what others mostly say?
i dont' think america is

Kristin said...

The person before me just needs to shut up & stop being an ass.

I went to the show and it was very scripted & fake. IT was the most disappointing thing I had ever seen.

Anonymous said...

Not many people bother me so much as Tyra. I will be sitting working on the computer and all of a sudden Tyra is on her talk show. She should be taken off tv all together and then we can berate her about how she did it to herself and not to sit in bed crying at night like she did to others.

Anonymous said...

It has nothing to do with racism, it has to do with she is a total bitch that puts other people down and think she is better than everyone else. I don't see you doing anything to help people, just putting people down to make herself feel good when the audience claps.

Anonymous said...

i mean, tyra has a huge ego and probably is not gonna be as good like oprah or ellen, but we love her for her bitchy and awesome personality and being such a pretty girl

Anonymous said...

tyra banks is in need of some serious PMS medication. OMG....who does she think she is? GOD? That poor girl she yelled at, that is not YOUR child tyra you idiot! Go see a doctor and stop acting crazy on tv, you looney tune.

Anonymous said...

why isn't that modeling show giving her serious reprimand for using this kind of conduct on the tv with a visitor? She should be banded from that show for a long time. I will never watch it again, nor any of her shows...

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Anonymous said...

i always thought she ame acrossed as a bitch, but this confirms it! just another diva nwa!