Friday, May 20, 2005

the virgin ben deserves our pity...

So little ben shapiro has written a book about his generation, the 'porn generation.' World O'Crap looks into this must read summer hit: World O'Crap

Why doesn't this strike me as one of the dumbest things ever? Really, I am tired of those creepy 'christian' freak-a-zoids who only think about sex. Are all Christians crazy sex-minded freaks? No, but there is a good portion that are really demented and make you feel dirty just talking to them. When my sister was in college, her social center was the campus Wesley Foundation (the Methodist group). They were less of jocktard greek types than the baptist group and mostly pretty decent, even if a little over the top for my tastes. But there were a chunk of guys in that group who creeped me out, because you could tell that all they thought about was sex. They would talk to me about 'getting married' and really they meant 'having sex'.

I'm not the biggest fan of marriage anyway (not most marriages at least, or the way people act about marriage these days), but hearing some creepy twenty-something talk about how he has been dreaming about 'getting married' since he was 13 and getting a funny look when a pretty girl talked to him kind of made my skin crawl. Yes, most guys can be annoying hornballs, but most guys are not that retarded about it.

little benji is one big public sextard who is putting his creepiness in print. Really, someone out there should tell him that he is a perv and that this is embarassing. ben, most people who regularly have sex do not think about it as much as you. Most people can treat it as just another thing and not the big center of their life, the only thing they care about. An important thing, but not the only thing. Sure, it takes some folks a little while to figure that out when they first suddenly start dealing with sex first hand, but it takes somekind of warping to keep it that kind of an obsession.

And this is coming from a gay man. One of the interesting things about gay culture is that when gay people become more casual about their 'gayness' - being out, not caring if people think they are gay or look gay or act gay, being able to talk about relationships, talk to their family about their life, whatever - the less it all becomes about sex. I'm not going to try to tell you for a second that gay culture isn't plenty obsessed with sex, but not all of it is and the more open the community gay people find themselves in, the less sex centered it becomes.

One of the things which makes gay life the sex centered monster that it sometimes is, is that for most of us above a certain age (and still for lots of gay kids finding their way today), the idea of being gay was only presented to us in sexual terms. It was about having sex with men and that part of you was separate from everything else. Sex was sex and it was shameful and secret and having sex with other men was completely different from everything else in your life. That desire was treated as deviant and the chance that it would ever be fulfilled was supposed to be very slim and opportunities rare, so you would be constantly vigilant about keeping your eyes open for other interested men. Other gay men are just opportunities for sex, not friendships, not emotional connections, just sex.

When gay guys begin to come out and realize that sex isn't this rare thing, that they aren't alone, that their desires for companionship and intimacy with other guys isn't more scandalous than their sexual attraction, sex loses its grip as a controlling factor. You will have a hard time finding a gay man who doesn't still consider sex an important factor in a relationship and many who don't have many qualms about partaking of it casually, but the same could be said about a lot of straight folks. The point is that this partitioning off of sexuality and the subsequent obsession with it is the same thing that religion often does with it. ben shapiro is a perv who thinks everyone has sex all the time and thinks about nothing else because he has this belief system which tells him that sex is this dirty amazing thing that should be hidden and make you ashamed.

Which, of course, it can be, but it really is just another biological human function, which our adult brain is going to have to deal with one way or another. You treat it like this crazy secret club that only adults can get into, and of course kids go crazy and want to have sex and drink and do drugs or whatever. But you educate people and give straight information and some folks will still be pervs and idiots about it, but most folks will find some balance and moderation and be much healthier. Keep treating it like crazy vodoo devil magic and you end up with warped-ass adults who don't know how to deal with other people.

like the virgin ben.

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