Monday, December 13, 2004

I am sad tonight...

I haven't really used this whole blog thing much for personal emoting; generally not my thing. I am much better at bitching about politics and such. But everyone else in the house is asleep and I am sad.

The things I want to say and can't won't let me sleep.

A child at camp who claimed to be able to see others' auras, once told me my aura was black and looked creeped out like if he looked at me too long his soul would be sucked away. He had been telling everyone else that their auras were happy pretty colors and meant fun nice things like they were very understanding or good empathizers or were more interesting than they first appeared. And he told everyone about their 'psychic' abilities. "You sometime can feel things before they happen" or "Your orange inner aura reveals that you have strong psychic powers" or whatever. All the kids were eating the shit up, whch was amusing and all and we were having to wait while folks did some individual stuff in the diving class we were teaching, so anything that keeps the idle kids from trying to entertain themselves was a welcome diversion even if half a dozen teenage girls trying to practice their psychic abilities can quickly become annoying.

Point being, after looking at me in horror and declaring my aura (inner/outer/all of it) black, one of the other kids asked if I had any psychic ability, to which he responded, "No, he has absolutely no psychic ability whatsoever. None, not a bit." which struck me as a bit rude and the kids started making fun until he followed up with, "He doesn't need any; he just knows things." That struck me as kind of nice.

but as our title declares, sometimes awareness is painful.

sometimes i wish i didn't just know things.

tonight i wish i didn't.

but i do and sleep won't come.

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